BREAK-UPS

I am back from a much needed hiatus.

I never explained why I took the hiatus, but I believe now is the time to do so... J ended our relationship. His reasoning? He felt like he couldn't give me the commitment I deserved and that he needed to focus on school. Of course I was incredibly heartbroken; I was in love and I felt like it came out of no where. Every break-up is hard, but I felt like this one was so much harder due to not having any friends here, and me feeling miserable about living here. It left me confused and with a never ending list of questions. As girls, I know we tend to blame ourselves and wonder "what is wrong with me?" But the more I thought about it the more I realized its not about me, and what I did or did not do. Because for once in a relationship, I gave this one my all. I gave him everything he needed and was always his biggest fan. I was there to support, motivate, and encourage him. I was patient and understanding when he was busy juggling school, work, and internships. And even though he was (and still is) a great guy, there is so much more I deserve in a relationship. I deserve someone who doesn't take me for granted, who appreciates all that I do, and feels that I am a blessing they never want to let go of. I deserve someone who likes to do nice things for me, surprise me, and who sees my beauty both inside and out.

I am a true believer of everything happens for a reason. And of course I believe this break-up happened for a reason.  I am thinking maybe God has a plan for me to be with a christian man so I will continue to grow in my faith and walk with Jesus. But who knows what the good lord has in store for me. I just know I am the process of healing, and I am doing just fine. Me and J still talk on a regular basis, which is nice but also damaging. I don't think guys intentionally try to send mix signals....but they do! I don't try to dwell on it, but not having any friends out here has made it worse. My goal this month is start socializing and create more of a life for myself out here. I know once I start making friends and dating again, I will becoming less dependent on talking to J.