I have spent the past two years trying to get closer to God. My family perspective on religion is a bit strange. Both of my grandparents are devout christians and very active in their church (my grandpa is a deacon). I was forced to come along to my grandparent's church at a young age. It was a small church, with a small congregation, made up of old southern baptists. My grandma would give us candy throughout the service to keep us entertained and help us stay still. And even though I went a lot, for some reason it never stuck with me. Its not that I didn't believe in God, because I definitely did. But I think being so young and having to listen to a preacher talk to a congregation of people that were a lot older than me was hard. I couldn't understand the messages and having to sit through it felt like such a chore. I simply was not connecting. My parents are also religious but on a different scale. I can count on two hands the number of times we attended church as a family. I was happy though because I always felt out of place in church. Yet, even though they hardly attended they still has a strong faith.
It wasn't until my senior year of college when I wanted back my relationship with god. Over the years I had very much believed in him, but he wasn't involved in my life. I'd pray every now and then, but mostly when I just wanted something. I realized thats how it shouldn't be. Things were also slowly getting harder and harder for me. I needed someone to turn to...and he was there. Believe me it wasn't an over night process and still I am taking it step by step. One of my goals for 2012 was to start attending church, and after talking about it for a while I have finally made the leap.
I don't know how I learned about rock church, maybe it was a random google search. I was first amazed by the website and spent an hour looking through it. They had ministries for everything and even past video series. I decided to watch one of these videos and seriously was hooked. The pastor was great! He was hilarious, he was silly, he was real. You could feel him reaching out to everyone of all ages and backgrounds, he made the message pertain to my life. He wasn't too uptight (like I had experienced at my grandparents old baptist church) but very open while still resonating a lesson. I would watch services online weekly, but was still scared to set foot in the church. After all this church is huge, we are talking a mega-church. For someone who hadn't attended a service in years this made me more than intimidated.
My mom had randomly come into town for a week, and I thought who better to ask to come to church with me. She happily agreed. I remember the night of she was getting all dressed up, and I told her it was unnecessary as it was a "come as you are church". She didn't understand. The churches at home were full of people in their best sunday clothes and outfits. Again, this showed how times had changed and how different areas are from one another. We drove to the evening service that started at 7:00pm and there was traffic getting into the parking lot. This really was a mega-church. Groves of people were crossing the street. When we had parked the car and joined all the people walking to the church--it was a weird feeling. I was happy I was finally taking the leap, happy that my mom was by my side, and happy to see people of all backgrounds, ages, and races.
Entering the building was crazy there were people everywhere, entering the sanctuary was even more crazy. The sanctuary was like a school auditorium but on a much larger scale. There were hints of technology everywhere. This is the church of the future. The service was great, again I found myself laughing but still learning and understanding how god works. It was a little bit awkward standing up and singing songs as I knew absolutely none of them. But other than that it was great. I even ran into a friend that went there, and we made an agreement to start going together.
This past weekend was my second time attending. I had planned to go with my friend, but he actually was out of town. I really wanted to go....... so I went by myself. Of course I debated for a while if I should even go, and I made every excuse not to. I would feel awkward by myself, I would feel dumb not knowing any of the songs, I was tired and needed to finish writing a paper, etc. But I am more than happy and proud of myself that I did. I have been battling with a question in my head now for a while now, and as I go through life and see more examples I've been more confused and lost. I couldn't believe it when the pastor had directly answered my question in a way I understood. It was like it was meant for me to go. I left another service feeling good and proud of myself.
I am happy to say that I have started one of the larger goals for 2012. I hope to attend as much as possible, and when I can't I'll definitely be watching online. I'm interested in joining ministries and a small group, but I'm really not sure how much longer I will be in SD. I have 10 weeks not until graduation. If I find that I get a job through summer than I will definitely be joining some events and a small group. I'm happy with this subtle but major step in my life.
